Tonight the chicks did a FAR better job of rocking the octagon than did anyone else… including Kimbo. I watched Kimbo’s match so intently and with fire in my eyes ONLY because it WAS Kimbo; and only because I know him how I know him. Had it been a Heavyweight MMA championship match appearing on prime time network TV of any other caliber; better or worse than Kimbo; I would have turned to Nova on PBS. I wouldn’t have given a shit. Glad that CBS realizes Kimbo’s appeal, and infinitely more important to me and dear to my heart…  I am glad that Kimbo is making good money from the whole thing.  I hope he remains a spectacle because he deserves any and all success he receives in life.

That said. With a clear conscious… I say this…. I STILL prefer a kick-ass boxing match to a MMA match any day. I was hoping that MMA would show me different tonight… but the truth is CBS and Elite XC came up short despite my support for Kimbo.

See you in Nassau.

Emergency Party Button

It refuses to do exactly that one task for which it was created for: blend. That is… without a jolt of one sort of liquor or another.

One must give a great deal of respect to such a humble, household appliance for putting it’s pride on the line in order to stand up for what it believes in like it has. To sacrifice it’s sheer purpose for being. To place everything it knows to be true and good in this world on the line for the sake of having a few ounces of premium liquor in it. That seems like proper god damned justification for me to keep right on living by the same rules that it does. If my blender refuses to do a proper day’s work without having a few shots in it, then perhaps I should to.

The simple fact is this: I’ve placed frozen peach wedges into this noble device and have pressed several of the buttons found on it’s human interface. What happens? Nothing of valid consequence, that’s for fucking sure! The freakish thing just makes a terribly awkward whirring noise as it mutilates the ass ends of the bottom most peach wedges without properly blending a damned thing for me. The bastard machine will only function as stated in the accompanying instructional literature *if* I give in to it’s demands and fortify the given recipe with several shots of rum and/or tequila and/or vodka and/or absinthe and/or mead, etc. etc. and so on.

I feel the hand of the Almighty in this. How else could an inanimate object act in such a way?

As you’ve surly heard, people have now found God’s divine presence in sulfur-water stains under filthy interstate overpasses in the America middle-west. If God’s touch is universal enough that he will present himself in such a manner unbefitting of a supreme being, why can I not find his presence, and therefore his divine will, in my blender? If my blender refuses to actually blend without liquor in it, is that not evidence of some sort of higher power giving me a sign? If simple, god-fearing folk from the suburbs of Chicago feel a need to take a pilgrimage to a grungy, piss-soaked highway underpass because they seek the presence of God, should I not enjoy a good and strong daiquiri before I begin my work day for the same reasons? Is it not disrespectful to God himself to do otherwise? ? After all, God DID render my blender unable to function properly without at least 3 shots of any one type of liquor or another. I feel his divinity. Who else could it possibly be? Do you doubt it? Is my clean and comfortable kitchen not a valid place to feel the hand of God? Obviously it is, if God also chooses to extend his arm and create a likeness of his personally chosen vessel… the Virgin Mother herself… in a lowly, feces and vomit saturated sulfur-water stained highway underpass.

So, here I sit, casually sipping God’s personally blessed elixir. I am not going to argue with the Almighty’s will. Would you? What was to be a vitamin fortified peach smoothie has now become a comically strong peach daiquiri, all in accordance with God’s divine plan. And I’ll be damned to all fucking eternal hell if it doesn’t taste good! Who am I to question God’s perfect plan? I just sip it with a casually cool understanding that I am on the fast track to heeeaaaven… Hallelujah!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080502/ap_on_fe_st/odd_check_for_billions

“In addition to the forgery count, Fuller was charged with unlawfully carrying a weapon and possessing marijuana.”

Well DUH…. I mean… how do they think Biggie Smalls and Dr. Dre started THEIR record companies?

It’s funny how the term “difficult” is always relative to the context, isn’t it?

The tougher-than-leather Maasai Warriors of northern Tanzania and southern Kenya are planning to run a marathon too. In their case, however, the preparation and equipment are a bit different. Sorry Nike! The only “air” these guys need is the air in their lungs. So much for your $180 running shoe technology, Reebok; The Maasai are sporting homemade sandals made out of reused tire tread. Much apologies to Under Armor as well. You won’t see any $80 sweat wicking artificial fabric gracing the backs of these noble warriors: They plan to run the race in their traditional wraps. And let’s not forget accessories! You won’t find a diamond encrusted Sidekick III or a chihuahua in a Gucci bag here. Nope. These boys are running with their traditional shields and spears (and I don’t mean Britney). Oh, and just to liven things up a bit, the Maasai plan to “sing and dance” along the way.

As if this isn’t embarrassing enough for all those westerners also participating in the run who will STILL struggle with the 26 mile distance even though they’ve bought all the appropriate gear that they read about in Runners World, done all the right preparation, and plan to drink all the right liquids…

“And we will do the whole marathon with no water,” says one of the Warriors. “We often travel for many days, eating only twice a day, and we have no water.”

Sorry, Gatorade.
Sorry, Vitamin Water.
Sorry, Power Bar.

Ironic, actually, considering the reason they are doing all of this is to bring a little awareness to the fact that their people are starved of something most of us all take for granted every day: clean water to drink.

Think about that the next time you take that $2 bottle of cold, refreshing Evian out of the fridge.

Now THIS is the kind of thing I feel compelled to donate money to. These are honorable men doing a very honorable thing… and proving one again that the word “difficult” is always relative to circumstance.

Massai Marathon Homepage - Go here to learn more about the Maasai and their cause.

The original Yahoo story I read